Say What???

I have the most amazing, loving, giving, genuine, artistic man whom I love with every fiber of my being ... and he returns that love to me 100 fold. He is awe inspiring, challenging and thought provoking. I am who I am today partly because of the influence he has had on my person. His presence in my life is the greatest earthly gift I have ever been given ... and yes, even more than my precious daughters are. I would not have them if it weren't for him and I definately wouldn't be half the mom I am if he weren't such an amazing father and support.

Okay, I'll curtail the gushing ...

Last night Drew, Luke and I spent more than four hours in deep conversation. I can honestly say that last night goes down as one of my all time favorites. Drew and I have the unqiue privilidge to indepentantly be best friends with Luke so needless to say that when all three of us are together, it's precious to me. I love Luke so much! But I digress ... If you know anything about Drew and I, you know that we love to talk about spirituality, life process, and all things surrounding love. In true form, the three of us got off onto those subjects last night and the conversation that flowed as a result was pure and beautiful.

After probably three hours of each of us sharing our thoughts on God, politics, religion, and the general way we each view the world around us, we got off onto the subject of why each of us knows that God is real regardless of what the church, religion or even the bible has to say about it. Luke and I had both shared what we think on the subject and why we think what we think. After we had finished sharing our points of view, it was Drew's turn...

And then Drew said the absolute last thing that I ever thought anyone would say ... he looks over at his brother and with tears welling up in his eyes he says, 'I know that God is real because of the endless grace that I see in my wife. Her ability to forgive and keep loving people and to continue to fight for those who have hurt her deeply shows me everyday that God is real.' I was blown away. I most definately don't think anything even remotely close to that about myself. I have the most difficult time accepting any complement at all ... even something as small as, 'hey, your hair looks cute' and I have to verbally find some way to discredit what has been said about me. I don't excatly have what one would call high self worth. So hearing those words come from the lips of the person whose opinion is my entire world brought me to my knees. All this time I've been going through life just being little ole me ... not trying to impress anyone and definately making no excuses for my brassy exterior and clear lack of verbal filter without even the slightest notion that anyone would find me inspirational in any way, much less as somewhat of a confirmation that God exhists.

So, I did what I always do when someone compliments me and I get all uncomfortable ... I cracked a retarted joke about how I'm really more of an ass than anything else ... mainly because I wanted to divert the attention from how completely exposed I felt in the moment but I haven't been able to stop thinking about what he said. I am so humbled that the man whose love literally pours out of his being, the man who is a sorce of strength those around him, the man who always puts others before himself, the man that others aspire to be would think anything so fundamentally positive about me blows my mind.

I feel like his ability to see positivity in me reflects more on his character and who he has chosen to be than on the reality of who I am and further more, if I truely am what he said, then it is a direct reflection of his influence on me over the last 10+ years we've been together.

To my love: Drew, I know that God exhists because I see Him when I look in your eyes. People just aren't truely compassionate, others focused, lovers of all, servants of all ... that simply doesn't exhist on its own. To me, you are a portrait of what true "christianity" was meant to look like. Your words meant more to me than you will ever understand and those words have challenged me at my very core. I love you and your sweet spirit. You are an amazing creature with which I am still not sure how I ended up partnering, but I am so thankful to have you in my life and by my side. Thank you.